Moving and Growing

Thanks to those of you who offered such supportive and kind comments to my last post. I feel honored to have impacted you. I was able to have a long talk with Matt last night about all my ups and downs about blogging, and it turned out that the downs outweighed the ups. For a number of reasons, blogging just doesn't seem to be a fit for me right now. I'm wanting deeper connections than the internet can give me (and I want my family members to CALL me rather than just learn about me through my blog... you know who you are ;)), more time spent reading books, resting, and journaling rather than online, and basically to use my limited free time pursuing activities that offer me more joy, learning, and spiritual growth. I don't altogether know what that looks like, but I do know that saying 'no' to what doesn't fit gets me off my back and gives me breathing room to think creatively about what does fit.

I'm sure there's a lot here for me to learn about myself, like the way my perfectionism drives me to want to quit everything I start, or how difficult it is for me to finally stop. I'll continue to be open to learning those lessons. But for now, in this situation, no matter how I got myself here, my choice is to not blog anymore. I wish you all the best, and thank you for your connection.

On The Path of Intention

My life lately, as I'm sure you've guessed, has not included blogging. Rather than spending hours each day surfing the net and blogging, I've been working on being more intentional with the way I use my time. Because my life seems extraordinarily busy, and because I mostly feel exhausted after about 1pm, it has been necessary for me to stop pushing myself to do everything and start making some choices about what I will and want to do.

So, to support me to be more intentional with my time, I created a schedule. My schedule gives me a structure that I can refer to, hold myself accountable to, and recommit to. It isn't rigid or set in stone, but serves as a guide and practical how-to for living my day in line with my purposes. It reminds me that I am committing to waking up and exercising in the mornings, to connecting with Matt in the evenings, to going to bed on time, and to keeping my kids on a regular and workable wake/sleep pattern. Best of all, my schedule reminds me that after the children are in bed, I get to take space for myself to journal. My journaling time is my opportunity to look back on my day and reflect on how it went: I get to acknowledge myself for what I did well (rather than my usual getting down on myself for all the things I didn't do and should have done), consider what happened or what I did during the day that I didn't like, get in touch with what I am truly wanting, and make choices for the next day.

Most often, my choices come down to connecting more with Matt and my children, and caring for myself. More connection, more relaxation, more fun, more ease, more intimacy.

I'm still not sure what this means for me and blogging. I like that you all are interested enough in what I have to say that you use your time reading and enjoying my blog. I like that I get to share my experiences and learnings with others, and that I become more clear as I share. I don't like that I get caught up in comparing my blog and life to other peoples' blogs and lives, which ends up with my wanting to quit. My purpose with blogging is not clear to me right now.

I am wanting feedback. What is it you get out of reading this blog?