Forgiveness and Love

Thanks to those of you who posted loving comments to support me through my struggles. I appreciate my blog because through it I get to feel connected to a wide, interesting, and caring community. I am not completely back on track with how I want to be in my life, but I am getting closer.

I've been challenged by those in my life I feel closest to, and am working on loving and trusting those people by using a forgiveness exercise I learned at More To Life. In this forgiveness process I take a good hard look at the resentment I hold toward someone, I see why I like holding onto this resentment (I get to be right, I get to not trust), and I confess the cost of holding the resentment (I don't sleep, I feel tired, I'm not being a kind parent, I feel disconnected). In the end, the cost of resentment is too great to merit carrying it around. So I forgive, choosing to let go of my piss-off, see the person and situation from a place of creativity and understanding, and accept life as it is and others as they are.

But I still feel icky. The problem is, I'm still resenting myself, believing I'm not cared about, alone, and not good enough. So no matter how much I go for accepting others, I don't think it will work until I love ME, warts and all. I'll talk to my support partner about it and decide what I need to do to get back in touch with accepting, honoring, and acknowledging myself. I'm sure when I look past all the ways I believe I'm NOT, I might be able to see many ways I AM. The good things are just so hard to see sometimes.

The other thing I realized is the month of July is a wild time for my husband, the musician. There are lots of gigs happening, and while he's away I get to be a lone mommy. I think I need some more help, and some space for myself once in a while.

Does anyone relate to this stuff??



Related posts:
My Struggle With Living Purposefully
Confessions of a Mother
Creating Conscious Commitments