Confessions of a Mother

Spring finally seems to be here, although you just never know what the weather will do in Montana. We hope the tomatoes don't get blessed with the classic Montana "Christmas in July". But for today, and hopefully the coming weeks and months, I feel the call of the warm sun, the outside, and the garden.

I've been struggling with how to balance taking care of my children while accomplishing my own goals and tasks. This, I think, is every mother's battle. How do I get my chores and projects done and take care of myself while I've got little people needing me, crying for me, and wanting my attention? When I resist the reality of life with young children, I feel frustrated by being so needed so much of the time. I want to yell, kick, stomp, and run away crying "leave me alone!" I should be unburdened, free, able to do whatever I want whenever I want, dammit! Then I try to reason with myself, telling myself that parenting is a lot easier when done in a community rather than on my own, that for all parents life is a challenge when kids are so young and demanding, and that I really need to take better care of myself. I know my kids just need to attach to me, to follow me, to be near me. I know that being a parent is the best, most rewarding, most fulfilling thing I can do. I know these things... but some days it is just so hard to live it out.

I am blessed to have family near me to talk with and get support from. My sister-in-law and I shared our mutual struggle with this issue recently. How do we balance our lives? How do we do what we want to do, and what we have to do, while constantly managing our children? How do we be the most connecting parents we can be, with happy, healthy, secure, attached kids? Does being a good parent mean giving our kids are undivided attention all day long? How do we trust ourselves to do well, God to lead us, and our children to show us what they need?

We agreed that all we can do is our best. And the best thing we can do is trust. I take a breath, I remind myself that I am doing OK, I feel inside the love and desire I have for my children, I pray for guidance, I remember my purpose. I make choices.

And I go for connecting with my children while doing my work. I would like my daughter to help me garden, cook, and clean. The end result may not be what I had in mind, and the process might be slower or messier, but it is for me to let go of my drivenness and expectation and enjoy the connection. For my baby, I can carry him in a sling or other carrier while I am doing my work. Sometimes just a few minutes of being held is all he wants. Sometimes holding the baby or including the older one doesn't work at all and I need to throw my hands up in the air and reevaluate my plan. Maybe flexibility is called for, or a reflection on my purpose. What is my real purpose? Is it to get my chores done or finish this project, or is it to connect with myself and my children? I keep wondering how homesteading women do their multitude of chores with babies. Did they have slings?

I want to play with my kids, too. To learn with them, teach them, visit friends with them, take walks and play in nature with them.

Being a mom is by far the most challenging task I have ever undertaken. Well, except maybe being a mom who is also a wife. My poor husband... but that is a saga for another day.


But check out the garden beds! I had a hell of week trying to get it done, but here it is. Next comes planting, and a summer of more work... and more learning.




Related posts/links:
The Intentional Family
Our Children Are Our Best Teachers
Healthy Family, Healthy Community